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You may be thinking about
someone specific as you read this list…or maybe about yourself. Are you always
living up to the person that would be more worthy of respect? Maybe not, but now
you’re at least thinking about it! We all make mistakes. The important thing is
to learn from those mistakes and let them shape you into a better person in the
end.
Respect is one of the most
necessary components in ANY healthy relationship, whether it be a friendship,
someone you’re dating, or a long-term relationship such as marriage. Trust is
another major factor. Go back over that list. Who would you trust more? Couldn’t
you give yourself more completely and freely to a person that you admire, trust
and respect? Of course you could!
In the case of marriage,
you want to know that your spouse is going to be there for you through thick and
thin! You may be young now, but chances are pretty high that you’ll want to be
married someday. You’re not alone! Most teens when polled in recent surveys
respond that they want to be married in the future.
The news flash here is that
how you conduct yourself before you’ve ever even met your spouse is VERY
important! Having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is a thief. It
craftily sneaks in and steals your ability to respect and trust, your partner
AND yourself. All too often you don’t even know it happened. You wonder why
you’re becoming so possessive, so unbelieving when your boyfriend or girlfriend
says they were at the library, or so unconcerned with meeting some of their
expectations (like showing up on time).
You see, you very
conceivably could have a sexual relationship and not get pregnant…and you may
not contract any STDs…but you are a very rare person if you are able to escape
the respect-trust factor!!
It goes like this:
Two
people care about each other, they are physically attracted…they eagerly
anticipate being together and are now looking extremely forward to some
intimacy. They excitedly take the relationship to a sexual level. Both parties
later recognize that the other person chose to give them something of
themselves…something they don’t share with just anyone…or DO THEY?
Each person’s mind will
process the relationship differently.
Some possibilities:
“Has he/she been with other people before? Who? When? Will they leave me to
go back to that person? Was sex with them “better” than it was with me? Were
they thinking about that other person when they were with me?”
Or
“Wow! I was that person’s
“first”! I wonder why they chose me to give their virginity to? Am I someone
special or are they looking for something to brag about? Now that they’ve had
sex with me are they going to give in to other people who’ve been interested in
them?”
Or
“That was cool, can’t
believe how easy it was to get something from them. I hope they’re not going to
be expecting more of a relationship now…that’s not what I’m about right now.
Besides, I got what I wanted and I see plenty other fish in this here ocean…time
to move on.”
You get the picture. Do you
see how in each case there is a loss of trust and/or respect? It’s not like the
other person comes out and says or realizes, “Hey, they had sex with me and now
I don’t respect them like I used to. And wow, I don’t really trust them anymore
either!” Nope, usually they don’t have any idea why they are feeling or behaving
differently. The patterns that people fall into here can be destructive. When
someone gets hurt time after time, they tend to put up a wall of distrust. That
is the protective mechanism people use to keep them from getting hurt again…but
those walls only serve to block people from living life freely. Those walls may
blind them from noticing the potentially healthy relationships, you know, the
actual “Mr. or Miss Right”!
Worse yet, when you don’t
have a good level of respect for yourself (realized or unrealized) you don’t
make the best or healthiest choices. You may struggle and strain, but yet not
put an end to a bad relationship. You may fall into one bad relationship after
another.
Becoming worthy of respect
means acting in a manner that protects others. It means not selfishly seeking
your own desires. It means caring for another person to the point of letting go
of what you want in order to pave the way for their health or well-being. In a
dating relationship, the very best way to maintain respect is to realize
that this person ultimately will belong to SOMEBODY. That somebody may
or may not be you! Regardless, they are not “yours” just yet. You have
the ability to steal valuables from them or protect what they have so that it
can one day be given to it’s rightful owner…INTACT!
In simpler terms: By NOT
engaging in sexual acts with the guys/girls you date, you are saying to them, “I
care deeply about you. I care about both of our futures. I would rather not give
into the passion I feel for you now, so that each of us could experience it even
more with the people we’ll marry someday!” It’s not corny, it’s simply real
life.
You decide who you’re going
to be!
For help with moving on
from a destructive or disrespectful relationship, see our section called, “Been
there, done that, now what?” You can get some practical ideas about how to end
the cycle and how to conduct yourself inside a newer, better relationship based
on those valuable traits of respect and trust!!
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