Wow! Your kids seem to have gone from tricycles to go-peds (or the final blow…driver’s licenses!) overnight!! Do you remember when you used to watch them when they were very young and just stare in disbelief at how smart, funny or just utterly adorable they were? You were in awe at the potential they had…and you wanted everything for them. Then the puberty thing hit. Your experiences with that natural, but most challenging part of growing up may have brought you to the point of tears on more than one occasion. Maybe you’re experiencing it now, and you hate to admit the fact that you cannot stand being in the same room with that person you once were so awed by! Could they even be that same person, or is alien abduction really possible after all?

Well, you may realize you are not alone, but do you really understand your role as a parent of a pre-teen or teen? Have you learned to embrace the change and partner with your child as they experience the emotional roller coaster? Or have you resigned to sit on the park bench at the end and wait until they get off? It’s your choice…but you must begin to accept that your choices WILL have some affect on your child’s choices.

You are being watched closely from an eye that doesn’t even look opened. How many times does your pre-teen or teen act like they want nothing to do with you? It hurts, no doubt. Makes our pride and our egos flare up a bit, and in turn makes us start acting closed-off and uninterested. After all, who likes to be hurt or rejected?? Ah, but see, there lies the big problem! Teens HATE to be hurt and rejected even more than the rest of the population. When they feel that rejection coming from the very people who are SUPPOSED to love them, the people that have called them “son” or “daughter”…it can be earth-shattering. Oh, but they’ll probably never let you know, not with clear verbal communication anyway. Nope, in their minds if you’re not going to love them they will find someone else who will!

Sadly, they might give themselves away to the first person or thing that resembles love, understanding, or intimacy. When the first imposter fails them, young people often tend to continue the search. If they are engaging in sexual activity, the tendency to become involved with multiple partners is an increasing risk. With each new rejection, the walls go up to “protect” their hearts…and the physical acts are performed with a decreasing sense of emotion. Talk about a trap…how do they get all that back once it’s lost?

The role of a parent in a young person’s life should never be underestimated. Parents have a far better chance of helping their kids avoid risky situations than they often realize. Your kids don’t want you to sit on that bench, no matter what they say out loud. Their hearts are often screaming, “NO…don’t go, ride this thing out with me. I need you!” The parent who is able to deal with their own feelings of rejection and regard their children’s attitudes and rebellion more objectively is a step ahead of the game…already on the ride with the seatbelt strapped on tight!

Want proof that you matter? There have been many recent surveys, studies, polls, etc. which all demonstrate the value which teens place on their parents input and attitudes…

Here are a few:

Timing –

To put it plainly, no kid wants to sit and have “the talk.” Forget the old adage about the birds and the bees. Your kids are hearing rather blunt talk from other sources (school, music, movies, etc.), so talking in code only makes you appear outdated and unknowledgeable. You don’t have to use slang or be overly descriptive, but you can talk to your kids about sex openly and respectfully.

The conversations should be gradual and frequent. Use sexual content on a television show or movie to open up conversations. Be clear about how you feel about teen sex or unmarried sex. Ask open-ended questions and be accepting of the answers. Build an environment of comfort and trust so that your teen will begin to realize you are concerned with their sexual choices and that they can approach you with their questions, concerns or struggles.

Preparation –

Here goes…there are two things to prepare as we see it.

First, consider your beliefs and values. This requires that you do some real soul searching. Go back to your own youth. What sexual decisions did you make and why? What were the results, not just physically but emotionally? What memories do you have? Do you have regrets? Did your decisions have an effect on your future? What choices would you wish that your child would make? How can you relate to your child the lessons you learned or the benefits you received because of your choices?

Secondly, you need to update your knowledge. Check out the other pages of our website or those we link you to. Get some more tips on what to say. Learn a bit more about the STD epidemic that is affecting 15 million Americans each year. Consider the limitations of contraception, and understand that no matter how effective or ineffective various methods might be…none of them are capable of protecting your child’s spirit, mind or heart.

This is a challenging and exciting ride, but one you are not likely to regret joining your child on! While there are no guarantees about what choices your child will ultimately make, you will always have the assurance that you did SOMETHING and that you have done what you could to make your child feel what every one of us wants to feel…beloved by someone who really knows them. Your words may or may not be heeded, but your love will be felt!

Being a parent is not a trap, it is a huge opportunity to shape the health of future generations. Enjoy the ride!